Art of Five Love Languaging Your Friendships

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I was recently asked what my love language was from a friend. Simple question. But I sat in silence because I wasn’t sure if they were asking as in dating or as in friendships. My friend usually ask me for dating advice. Yes me! By the way, I give great advice. My dating life… well that’s another post for another day. I decided to think about this question proposed to me on a level of how I interact with my friends rather than in dating.

The Five Love Languages: Words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time and physical touch. I’ve always tried my best to be that friend that pours into a friendship instead of draining it. Here are my thoughts on trying to make sure you are using love languages in your friendships.

Affirmations

Sometimes a simple thank you for listening to me vent is a good start. Listen, I get it. I understand. Life can be so stressful and sometimes you want to run to that friend or call them and tell them about everything bad that’s going on in your life. But is that all you’re doing? Are you only telling them when things are wrong? Do you even ask what’s going on in their life?

I’ve had many talks with friends who I’ve felt were either draining, inconsistent, or let’s just be honest, not good friends. It’s a hard talk. It’s one of those talks where you feel like you’re breaking up with your significant other or if you’re deciding if you want to make it work. It’s worth it.

Gifts/Acts of Service

It’s the thought that counts. Nothing says thinking of you more than receiving something minor that you absolutely love. You know your friend likes the Avocolada smoothie from Tropical Smoothie. Go get it. You heard them mention how much they liked the new Fenty Stunna Lip Paint you were wearing then go and pick it up for them. They will know how much you’ve actually been listening to them.

Quality Time/Physical Touch

So in friendships I am combining these two love languages. We all get busy with our daily tasks. Make time to spend with your friends. I calendar in time with people who are important to me. Send your friends a text and ask if they are available on a particular date at a certain time. This is a better alternative than the elusive statement “we should hang out soon or get drinks sometime”. You’re actually setting up an appointment and it helps you to stick with seeing them.

Understand that just in your dating life that your individual friendships will have certain love languages that they prefer. My friendship love language is quality time.

No is a Complete Sentence

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It is perfectly okay to say no and give no explanation for that. To not feel compelled to provide a thesis as to why you cannot, will not, and shall not consider doing something. Too often we become these over-thinkers who want to rationalize with ourselves on providing reasons to others on our decisions. Since when did we have to give validity to other’s acceptance of hearing us say no?

Disappointment. Judgment. Neglect. All of these or none of these sometimes hold us against our better decisions to agreeing to things we shouldn’t. How many times have you gone to a party because your best friend wanted you to go only for you to scroll social media the whole night? How many times have you loaned money to someone that you know can’t and won’t pay you back only because you don’t want to be “that person” who forgot how hard times can be?

When you begin to say no more to others you are in actuality saying yes to yourself. You’re giving yourself more time to developing yourself, your ideas, and allowing mistakes to be made and resolved, I’m not saying to go around saying no to everything. Make the best decisions for your life and circumstances so that you are in a better situation than you’ve ever been in before. Stop feeling challenged to provide excuses when your no is enough.

Period.

When They See Us: A Case of Racial Profiling and Systematic Injustice

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The title of this Netflix 4-part miniseries When They See Us by Ava DuVernay based on the true-life 1989 Central Park Jogger case has so much relevance to today’s criminal justice system that is haunting. Racial profiling has always existed in one way or another. This story isn’t an isolated situation. There are many horrific cases like this that have span throughout time. Someone commits a crime and instead of justice prevailing, innocent people are chosen to be the sacrificed based on the color of their skin in order to help someone else’s career.

These five young men of color were Antron McCray, Kevin Richardson, Yusef Salaam, Raymond Santana, and Korey Wise. The fact that these boys were picked up for allegedly fitting the description.; yet there was no real description. The rape victim didn’t get any of the assailant and there were no witnesses. The pressure was on the prosecutors office to find someone to convict which is understandable; however, the manner in which Linda Fairstein decided to make them fit the narrative is morally incomprehensible. Personally I believe all of her cases should be reopened because she seems to have a prejudice against not only black and brown men but against justice. Understand that she was a prosecutor in the district attorney’s office from 1976 to 2002. I also believe her books should be pulled from shelves.

This documentary was hard to watch at times; however, I watched it twice. Why? I felt it was important to watch the first time because I had heard of the story in the news. The second time I watched it I had had such a heavy heart the first time and wanted a better understanding of how these boys were failed so many times. They were failed by their friends who were with them in the park who didn’t come forward and say what they were doing at the time of the rape. Their failure seems to have come from fear of being arrested as well. They were failed by the officers who arrested them who just literally picked them out of the crowd because they were “thugs from the projects” as they were labeled by the news reporters. They were failed by a system who did not care about them at all and to this day still don’t care.

Not-My-President Donald Trump is even mentioned for his $85,000 ad of “BRING BACK THE DEATH PENALTY. BRING BACK OUR POLICE”. How ironic is it 20 years later he is in office with such high rates of police brutality and killings of black and brown men.

  • Donald Trump’s Ad

In 2002, DNA evidence linked serial rapist and murderer Matias Reyes to Trisha Meili. In 2014 the Central Park Five were awarded a $41 Million Dollar settlement in a civil case.

  • Serial Rapist/Murderer Matias Reyes
  • Central Park Five

Have you watched When They See Us yet? I encourage you to watch it with your sons, nephews, daughters.. all the people you love. I cannot imagine the psychological effects all of this had on these men and their families. We live in a society that reminds us that as much as things are evolving they are remaining the same.

What is the difference between Mental Health and Mental Illness?

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Mental Health

Mental health refers to our emotional and psychological state, our social well–being and how we feel about ourselves and interact with others. Mental health is not the same as mental illness, although poor mental health can lead to mental and physical illnesses.

When we have good mental health, we are resilient, can handle life’s challenges and stresses, have meaningful relationships and make sound decisions. Mental health, like physical health, is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood and old age.

Being mentally healthy is influenced by life experiences, relationships with others, physical health and one’s environment. Just as people may experience physical problems over the course of their lives, they may also experience emotional or mental health problems that affect their thinking, mood and behaviors. This does not necessarily mean that a person who is going through a difficult time and is experiencing poor mental health has a mental illness. Feeling miserable and socially isolated are red flags that one’s mental health needs attention.

Mental Illness

Mental illness refers to a wide range of disorders that affect mood, thinking and behavior. Mental illness can affect anyone regardless of age, gender, social standing, religion or race/ethnicity. People with mental illness often experience distress and problems functioning at work, home and in social situations. Mental illness is not something the person can “overcome with willpower,” and can be caused by biological factors such as genes or brain chemistry, trauma and abuse, and family history of mental illness.The major types of mental illness include:• Depression• Anxiety• Mood disorders, including bipolar• Personality disorders• Schizophrenia• Trauma disorders• Eating disorders• Addictive behaviors

Signs and symptoms of mental illness vary, but may include changes in sleep, appetite, and energy level, severe mood swings, persistent thoughts or compulsions, hearing voices, social withdrawal, feeling sad, hopeless, or agitated, having trouble performing everyday tasks, or wanting to hurt oneself or others.

With the right treatment, people can and do recover from mental illness. Friends and family members can be important influences to help someone get the treatment and services they need. Primary care physicians can refer individuals to psychiatrists and other professionals who specialize in mental health treatment. Treating a physical illness might require medications and physical therapy, and treating a mental illness might also require medications and different therapies. For many people, the first step is to recognize there is a problem and be willing to accept help.

Dr. Antrell Davis

Dr. Antrell Davis is a native of Cuthbert, Georgia, but currently resides in Washington, D.C. She received her Bachelor of Science degree in sociology in 2007, a Master’s degree in social work from Howard University in 2009, and she received her Doctorate of Management degree from the University of Maryland University College (UMUC). Dr. Antrell currently serves as the program trainer for the United States Department of Defense and she trains social workers in the areas of suicide prevention, technology, mandated reporting, and clinical protocols. She is an expert on engagement practices. Dr.Antrell was recently recognized in the Rural Leader Magazine as a 40 under 40 rural leader.

Dr. Antrell has made it her passion to serve others. She enjoys volunteering and mentoring young people looking to improve their lives. She also admires her family and friends because they are the individuals that continue to support her endeavors. She enjoys traveling, especially internationally, to connect with other cultures. She is also a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated. Dr. Antrell encourages everyone to never give up on their dreams and to read Romans 8:28 daily, which states: and we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Fbook: StayOnPurpoSe

IG: Dr.Antrell

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

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Last night I got invited to a private vip pre-screening of Godzilla: King of Monsters hosted by journalist Xilla Valentine. Let me just say first and foremost, a Xilla viewing is definitely a viewing party you want to be a part of: Music, food, fun vibes and vip opportunity to view movies. You also never know who may be viewing the movie alongside you.

This movie is essentially about Godzilla versus everybody! All of his old nemesis are ready to take over the throne. These nemesis include Mothra, Rodan, and the ultimate three-headed beast King Ghidorah.

Packed with a stellar cast from Millie Bobby Brown, Zhang Ziyi, Aisha Hinds to O’shea Jackson Jr, this move delivers action, suspense, and you may even find yourself wanting to scream at the screen like I did. I got a Biblical undertone from this movie, a heaven and hell, good versus evil. I won’t ruin the movie for you. It is a little lengthy. The effects are cutting edge. There’s a lot of explaining of the monsters.

Will humanity be saved or ruined? Long live the King!

Create Your Own Trends

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It’s always come natural for me to set my own trends when it comes to hairstyles. I guess that is what has always made me a Free Spirited person. When I created my Youtube channel nine years ago I knew I wanted to create my own lane of style for myself.

Below are a few of the styles I’ve rocked recently:

  • Individual Boho Chic Box Braids
  • Used Latched n’ Hooked Crotchet Hair in McKenzie Collection
Used Latched n’ Hooked Crotchet Hair in McKenzie Collection
Hair: Individual Boho-Chic Box Braids
Pictured with: Actor/Singer Rotimi and I May 6, 2019 at Members Only Atlanta Midnight Meet & Greet

PCOS: Polycystic Ovary Syndrome

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Four letters. An acronym. P.C.O.S. changed my life. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome in 2016. A few months before then I didn’t know what was going on with my body. Missed cycles. Weight gain. A whole week of feeling an extreme tiredness that I had never experienced in my life. Imagine waking up and already feeling like you had been up for 23 hours straight and sleep was only eluding you. This was how I felt. I had always slept on average about 4-5 hours a night and would never feel tired. But after that week of feeling exhausted, I needed answers.

I went to my Primary Care Physician and got all my testing completed. As the words P.C.O.S. slipped from his mouth to my ears I went from a level of happiness to know what was going on to a severe case of anxiety. The “what if’s” ran a marathon through my mind as he attempted to remind me that it was okay and that I would also be okay. I was the girl who played with her Barbie and Ken dolls as a child and knew I wanted to have a family. Now here I was a 30-something year old woman hearing that there may or may not be a chance of me having children.

I had work to do at this point. I had to learn what worked best for my body. My diet became super strict. I went from trying Vegan, Vegetarian, Paleo to dabbing in a Plant-Based Diet to Pescatarian to finally curating a plan that worked best for me. I chose to do mostly a combination of Pescatarian and Plant-Based Diet adding baked chicken (because yeah, I never ate a lot of fried chicken but baked was a staple growing up for me). One factor of P.C.O.S. is having insulin-resistance. I became more aware of how much sugar was in everything and was particularly stern on how much I would allow myself to intake.

I had a gym membership that I was paying for and had been under the impression would be ending soon only to find out I still had three months left on the contract. So I went to the gym four to six times a week, meal prepped, drank my water and did a lot of minding my business. The weight fell off. I lost over 25 lbs and all was well.

Upscale Magazine Private Brunch August 20, 2017
Romper: Suakokobetty

I learned with having P.C.O.S. that some days are a struggle more than others. I am back on my journey to lose about 15 lbs that I regained from stress, my work environment and toxic relationships. One thing is for sure, life happens but what we chose to do with ourselves along that journey is our decision. I’ve learned to control the controllable. Fix what can be fixed. Let go of what no longer serves you.

If you’re interested in learning more about P.C.O.S., click here.

Break to Become Whole

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Breaks are needed. Sometimes we become too overwhelmed when we are always trying to do too much at once. I took a break. I lived. I learned. I focused on me. I missed writing and sharing my journey of life and decided to come back to the amazing world of blogging. I made my share of mistakes during my break but such is life. You live. You learn. You have a new day to start over.

Join me again as I share shots of my life: beauty, lifestyle, my views on politics, music, and current events.