Tag Archives: friendships

Your Friends Don’t Like You

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Okay, so maybe they don’t dislike you, but maybe they don’t like you as much as either of you believe. I know that’s a lot of negatives in one sentence but so are some of your friends’ true intentions. Let’s talk reality. There are some really genuine humans in the world. They look out for you just as much as you do for them. Your friendship is reciprocated and easy. They truly care about your wellbeing. You don’t have to talk daily, weekly, monthly or yearly. Then there are the ones you should probably learn to sever and never look back on repairing your friendship.

Alignments are often mismatched and instead of separating ourselves from people we find reasons to hold on. You’ve been friends since college, worked together in the same small office, or had similar interests that drew you to each other. But such as life, you shouldn’t force anything that doesn’t organically fit your progression. Speaking of progressing in life, when others are struggling in an area that you’re succeeding in you will begin to see their true colors. Think back to when you bought your first house, got engaged, a promotion, and those major milestones that meant so much to you! You clapped so loudly for your friends with their accomplishments, yet when it was your turn the silence was deafening. I’m not sure how you react, but for me, if I’m being perfectly honest, it’s hard not to take it personally.

What I’ve decided to do is adapt more of a c’est la vie outlook on one sided friendships. I’ve decided to not make the first move. In a sense, to not ”court” my friendships. Those formative gestures of forming friendships, realizing and celebrating similarities, and being supportive of endeavors. What happens when your friends don’t match your efforts to sustain your friendship? For me, I’m very upfront and will let them know what I need from our friendship if it’s important. I completely understand that life happens, but so does effort. We all live busy lives whether we live by a schedule or procrastinate everything.

Could it be jealousy? I don’t honestly believe that everyone is jealous of their friends or even a majority of people. That’s an unhealthy trait. I do however believe that if your friend has been secretly struggling to get a promotion on their job and you’re on your fifth promotion in three years, they may struggle really hard to congratulate you. If you just bought your first home but your friend has been struggling to qualify for a loan or to get the money needed for a down payment, they could struggle with your new home. Oftentimes it’s not about you but the void they have inside. They could just not fathom how all of these amazing things keep happening to you. People will see your gains and have no idea of how much you have loss.

Want to know if your friends are clapping for you? Check your vibrations when you’re near them. Are you anxious? Do they always seem to be in competition with your existence? When in a group, do they try to bring you down or break your spirit? If it seems like a challenge to be friends with someone they may just not be your friend. You may just be keeping an enemy closer to you than a friend who stopped liking you.

Art of Five Love Languaging Your Friendships

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I was recently asked what my love language was from a friend. Simple question. But I sat in silence because I wasn’t sure if they were asking as in dating or as in friendships. My friend usually ask me for dating advice. Yes me! By the way, I give great advice. My dating life… well that’s another post for another day. I decided to think about this question proposed to me on a level of how I interact with my friends rather than in dating.

The Five Love Languages: Words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time and physical touch. I’ve always tried my best to be that friend that pours into a friendship instead of draining it. Here are my thoughts on trying to make sure you are using love languages in your friendships.

Affirmations

Sometimes a simple thank you for listening to me vent is a good start. Listen, I get it. I understand. Life can be so stressful and sometimes you want to run to that friend or call them and tell them about everything bad that’s going on in your life. But is that all you’re doing? Are you only telling them when things are wrong? Do you even ask what’s going on in their life?

I’ve had many talks with friends who I’ve felt were either draining, inconsistent, or let’s just be honest, not good friends. It’s a hard talk. It’s one of those talks where you feel like you’re breaking up with your significant other or if you’re deciding if you want to make it work. It’s worth it.

Gifts/Acts of Service

It’s the thought that counts. Nothing says thinking of you more than receiving something minor that you absolutely love. You know your friend likes the Avocolada smoothie from Tropical Smoothie. Go get it. You heard them mention how much they liked the new Fenty Stunna Lip Paint you were wearing then go and pick it up for them. They will know how much you’ve actually been listening to them.

Quality Time/Physical Touch

So in friendships I am combining these two love languages. We all get busy with our daily tasks. Make time to spend with your friends. I calendar in time with people who are important to me. Send your friends a text and ask if they are available on a particular date at a certain time. This is a better alternative than the elusive statement “we should hang out soon or get drinks sometime”. You’re actually setting up an appointment and it helps you to stick with seeing them.

Understand that just in your dating life that your individual friendships will have certain love languages that they prefer. My friendship love language is quality time.