Dear Girl of the Absentee Father

Understand that you have done absolutely nothing wrong. Your existence is no accident. Whatever his reasoning for not showing up in your life is no fault of your own. When we understand that we cannot control others actions we allow ourselves freedom to let go of guilt we carry for their lack of involvement.

I know that it gets tough this time of year around Father’s Day. Everyone is declaring how amazing their fathers are and you’re wondering if you could’ve done something to change his behavior. If you could’ve done something to make him see you. See you for who you are and want to actively be that hero you waited to tuck you back into bed when you had nightmares. He wasn’t. He may never be that father that you wanted. Guess what sis, it’s okay. You’re going to be just fine.

I ask you not to fall into that space of having Daddy Issues. It’s not worth it in the end. Trust me. That guy may not love you who reminds you of the gentle glimpses you saw of your father. That guy who is emotionally/physically/sexually abusive to you is not your project to fix. You’re worthy of so much more. You are not your childhood circumstances. You are not a victim. You are wonderfully made and deserving of the utmost respect, honor and love. Remember that love come first from within and you will attract it.

As I speak to you I speak to myself. Daughter of divorced parents. Father who chose himself in every way possible. Being from a small town and living less than ten minutes from someone who chooses not to show up in your life is hard. It makes your heart cold and distrustful. One thing I learned from his absenteeism is that you can either become bitter or better. So from bitterness and mistakes, I am on a life transit of becoming better by forgiving myself for carrying someone else’s load. You should as well.

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